The Truth about Loving Someone

Not a huge surprise but this is going to be my last post.

As I said before the main reason I got into magic was for a boy, well tonight I got to truly see what that boy really was...

For a complete year of my life I've tried to help this boy out, staying in Texas instead of going to London, driving out to Wichita Falls and hiding in my own trunk for him, loosing my job for him because I was trying to help him out, loosing many pebbles for him... loosing my heart to him because I felt like I had seriously found someone special in him, like I had found my other half. I even put up with him going off and messing around with another girl, because I loved him, like a fool. I even asked my mother to loan him $1500 to help him pay his debt... I payed his rent and electricity plus my own, I gave up on my dancing, my only real passion in life, for him so I could get a real job and help him with his 'dream'... I gave him every penny I had just to try and help this boy out, because I loved him and I thought we had something special, a lil hoot and wittle mek... we were even engaged at one point... but tonight I was told what had been going on the whole time.

On August 6th, my birthday, this boy called the other girl and asked her to be his girlfriend, and they dated until October, the whole time I never had a clue. From then on she's been in his life constantly, giving him money, being a stripper to help him get money, spending hours cleaning his house and doing his laundry, giving him ever penny she had, all because she loved him and he was telling her he loved her too... this has been happening sense August all the way up until tonight, the year anniversary of when he and I met... they also just recently lost another child here in December, her admitting to me that they had sex around the end of November beginning of December... the period in which we were engaged...

For months he's been telling me I have real problems and that he's changed for me and that he loves me, that he's IN love with me, and that I need to let go of the past because it will never happen again, and for months I've believed him and truly tried to let go... like a real fool I believed him when he said he loved me and that he had seriously changed for me, and that it was me that had the real issues...

Recently he came to me and told me that he didn't see a future with me romantically, and though it seriously hurt I accepted it and was really going to try and be his friend and to still help him, but tonight when she came forward about everything... I can't help but believe he's just gotten tired of his two old toys and that now he's found new ones to use and take advantage of... I pray for their sakes they don't get suckered like we did.

I will say it now, I truly did love this boy with everything I had in me, I gave him everything I possibly could, and he took me for all that I was worth, and didn't even feel the slightest pain in doing so. Only a truly hideous person could ever do that to someone.

I have a real love for magic, but now, because it was this boy that introduced me to it, it has a truly bitter sweet taste to it, and for now I think it would just be best if I stop trying to learn and love it. One day I know I will come back to it, but for right now, because I know such a horrible person is connected to it, I want to distance myself from it.

Tonight has truly been one of the worst nights of my life, but I'm going to walk away from this and be a better person because of it. That boy will be the very last one to ever take advantage of me like that. Wittle Mek was the wolf the whole time... So with that, for now, this is my last post. I'll be back in the magic world one day and when I am you'll get you're daily dose of crazy every day! But for now, this is goodbye.

Real Emos do Magic

There is something that has really been bothering me as of late. I've noticed on more than one occasion one or more of my magician friends getting seriously upset over a performance they did. They all go about it differently, but when it gets down to it, they all pout and claim that they did horribly, or that it just wasn't good enough.

I find myself wondering, just why exactly they think they did horribly? On the few occasions I've been present at these said 'horrible' performances I've noticed that, for the most part, the audience loved it. They would be completely wrapped up in the performance, loving every second of it, and yet, for some reason, my friends still believe they didn't do a great job. Most of my friends became magicians because they LOVE to entertain, and they loved to have the audience wrapped around their fingers. So why, when the audience is doing exactly that, are they still not satisfied?

When I asked my friends why they believe they did a bad job, or why it wasn't good enough, they all start naming off things that they messed up on, or things the audience didn't react to quite like they had hoped, things, that had they not pointed out, I would have never noticed. It's at these moments that I truly realize just how insane performers really are. Holding themselves to such ridiculous standards, and seriously believing that the only good show is one where they do everything right and the audience reacts just the way they expected them too. It's gotten to a point where they believe they aren't good performers because of these small little things.

Ok magicians; let’s take a step back with me here. Are you really so self absorbed that all you can see are these small little mess ups compared to the huge smiles of the people you perform for? Do you not remember that you got into magic to please an audience and to make an impression? SO WHAT if you mess up here and there, you're human, it's gunna happen, a lot! If it really bothers you then go practice, but do NOT let it get in the way of seeing that you are doing an amazing job. If you have your audience in awe and you have people telling you you’re amazing and that they loved the show, then give yourself a pat on the back! You've just done what you got into magic to do! YOU'RE A SUCCESS!

So to wrap this all up, Magicians, I love you, but pull your heads out of your asses, open your eyes, and stop being so hard on yourselves! Yes, work harder to get better, but don't destroy your self-esteem while doing so.

Down the Rabbit Hole

It's probably safe to assume that most of us saw our first magician when we where young, say at a birthday party, or at school. They would dazzle us with glitter, music, and big movements, all the while making the impossible happen right before our eyes; needles going threw balloons and not popping, birds coming out of colorful silks, canes disappearing into thin air, and solid tables trying to float away. For a full hour they would hold us captivated, hanging on their every word, believing anything and everything they had to say, and then, just as quickly as they came, they would pack up their show and be gone, leaving us to return to our normal lives with only fleeting memories of that magical day.

I, myself, had an experience like this, and like most, as soon as that magician was gone I completely forgot about magic. It wasn't until this last year that magic really came back into my life. Like a dream I sat threw it all again, the vanishing canes, the card tricks, the works, but this time it had a little bit more of a pull to it.

Now I'd like to say I got into magic purely because it fascinated me, but that would be a lie. I started learning about magic because, of course, there was this really hot guy who was into it, and so, to really get on his good side, I too started to learn magic. However, slowly but surely I found myself learning more and as I went I becoming more interested in it. I learned to fan, to do cards tricks, and how to make a cane dance. It was intoxicating, knowing how things worked when others were baffled, and so I found myself becoming ensnared in the world of magic.

This blog is about my views on magic; shows that I've seen, tricks that I've watched, idea's I have, even people that I know, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'll probably talk about them all. So just sit back, relax, and enjoy you're daily dose of crazy.